This fourth instalment this week is an attempt to capture the essence of parenting in a practical guide for the fourth stage of the parenting journey: with a toddler.
1. Avoid saying no
The terrible twos (and threes) are called this for a reason. It is the time that your little bundle of joy starts to exert their sense of individuality. We don’t want to squash that but at the same time we still need to enlist their cooperation to keep the day on track.
When your toddler is offered the choice of two options, they still get to have a say in what happens to them and the decision is also easier with fewer choices. Try this for all daily decisions from breakfast (egg or avocado on your toast) to clothes (the long or the short sleeve top) and which toy to play with (the puzzle or the book). You may be surprised how simple it can be.
2. Provide warning before change
Does your child like to keep doing what they are currently focussed on? Most will be upset if they have to stop or leave before they are ready. It can lead to melt downs or flat refusal. This can be mitigated with a simple warning system.
Tell your child you will be leaving in 5 minutes and remind them in 2 minutes. Depending on how long it takes to pack up what they are doing, this may need to be factored into the countdown. When the time is up, it is important to stick to your plan. While they can’t tell the time, if the plan is delayed or changes, then your toddler will know that the countdown is negotiable and end up with ongoing issues.
3. Have supplies on hand
If you have food and water for your toddler, this will avoid the need to search for and secure vital fuel to keep their mood on track. Hunger, as much as discomfort, can lead to meltdowns because your child is unable to communicate clearly what they need.
Travel packs with your baby change needs are essential. Nappy packs can be purchased or just use a toiletry bag and pack in a few nappies, wipes, change mat and a bag to contain the soiled items. (see my prototype in the baby steps blog here.
The other thing to pack for long trips is a collection of toys to keep them entertained. This outlines the strategy here.
4. Aim to be consistent
Classically, there are four different parenting styles which you can learn about here and there are new ways to look at this such as free range parenting which is currently in vogue. Whatever you decide as an approach to parenting, the key is to be consistent. This way, your child knows what to expect from you which will contribute to a good understanding between you as their carer.
5. Play dates to entertain you and your toddler
If you have a friend who has a child in a similar age and stage, then this will foster a symbiotic relationship of shared experience and support while simultaneously providing activity and growth for your child. If you don’t have a friend, then your local baby health centre usually has lists of groups to join such as Mums and Bubs or play groups in community centres.
6. Is it time for you to work or play?
It is an individual choice to consider whether to work or stay at home and often depends on finances and assistance available.
If you have family who are willing and able to assist, then returning to work may be feasible while keeping your child at home or close by. If you have a spare bedroom, then an au pair can be a way to get in-house help and not break the bank. Then there are family day care centres that cater for a few children and based in a home-like environment that may be a good option for some socialisation.
Working can also be a way to obtain some balance if you feel the need for some personal time and or space.
If you’re struggling to decide, it can be helpful to do a pro and con list to work out whether the strengths outweigh the weaknesses of returning to work.
7. Considering an addition to the family?
While many of us would love to plan our families right down to the gaps between babies, nature often has its own agenda and plans go by the wayside. It can take longer or less time to get pregnant or there are also many pregnancies that are unable to continue to term. These can be challenges to face along the way and open communication around this with your partner and supports can help.
The old movie Parenthood likens parenting to a rollercoaster ride. If you resist and try to control it, it can be scary. But if you can go with the ride, then it can be fun and scary at the same time.
This is not an exhaustive list but hopefully it covers some FAQ.
Stay tuned for the next instalment on Pre-schoolers.
If you have personal tips you would like to add, comment below, on the MotherMind FB page or on the blog site.
