The fifth instalment this week is an attempt to capture the essence of parenting in a practical guide for the fifth stage of the parenting journey: with a primary aged child.
1. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
If you have found a way that works with your child, then stick to it and reinforce it. While each child is unique, it helps to continue with a uniform approach during this stage so that it is predictable and perceived as even treatment.
2. It’s not all work and chores
Time goes quicker than you think (and everyone will remind you of this regularly) and soon your dependent will be a wilful teenager who may not want to spend time with the family.
While this may seem grossly inaccurate when you are sleep deprived and physically tired from chasing your kids and constant housework, there is some wisdom in it.
3. Make time for play
Help to break the daily repetition by creating time for play. You can use fun tactics to make the chores less tedious. Cleaning the toys away can become a game to see who can clean up the fastest. Play music and dance while the kids help to clean, dust or sweep up.
4. Meal times as a time for family
Creating the habit of sharing the evening meal can be a time of reflection, sharing and developing healthy habits.
Everyone learns to eat a balanced meal, share stories (and take turns doing so), engage in small talk and socialise as well as keep connected to family members.
This can set up ongoing habits for when your primary kids are teens as it is already an established expectation and less likely to be challenged when meals become family meetings to discuss any pressing item of the moment (chores, school, sibling rivalry, etc).
5. What about screen time?
There is also evidence to show that younger children do not learn as well from devices (better with people to interact with) but from pre-school age they become more savvy in its use and ability to learn from it. You can try ‘scaffolding’ the initial use (sitting and watching with them a few times), to see how they manage, then just check in occasionally so you don’t need to helicopter the use.
Viewing time recommendations are being developed and changed as we progress through the stage with digital natives (kids born with the use of available digital devices). Whatever you negotiate within your family, it will require boundaries.
If your child does not need a device at school yet, this is measurable by a movie, several episodes of their favourite show or time playing games. This article has more information.
6. When do you give your child grown up privileges?
This can be an extension of the screen question eg when does your child need a phone? But can relate to many things such as when they are able to have a sleepover with a friend or get their ears pierced.
There are many factors that play into these questions, such as the need to contact your child after school because both parents work and they are at after school care. Or whether you are stalling on tattoos because you hope your child will change their mind.
In general, our family had the fall back position of ‘double digits’ (10 years old) for ‘big kid’ rites such as phone and ear piercing. We also started with a non-smart phone so internet was not an issue. But now there are clever apps to lock specific utilities to help your family can decide how to approach this.
7. How much extra curricular activity is enough?
This is a balance of affordability, interest, time as well as energy levels.
Our family decided that 3 activities were enough per child: one music, one physical and one creative or social. You may feel that this is too much when you spend much of your time as a taxi or if the budget does not support it.
There are cost efficient ways to foster such activities such as local library workshops or stories, council run play groups, after school care also has a range of activities with more opportunity to socialise so you gain work time as well. Play date exchanges (your house one day and another parent’s the next) are a good way to split the care and foster socialisation.
All of this requires negotiation and limit setting so that it does not become overwhelming.
This is not an exhaustive list but hopefully it covers some FAQ.
Stay tuned for the next instalment on Teens.
If you have personal tips you would like to add, comment below, on the MotherMind FB page or on the blog site.
