By E K Wills
There is no manual that comes with the decision to have a family. Each step is taken and based on advice from friends, family or self-help books. This can be overwhelming and actually feel too overwhelming to tackle.
As a psychiatrist I hear many stories of childhood events that can impact a person’s mental health. As a parent of three and mental health professional, I have aimed to not preach because the guiding principle is ‘good enough’ parenting, not perfection. It is important to not develop parental guilt but to have fundamental tools to navigate the pitfalls for unwitting parents.
This simple step guide to parenting can help set your family up for the best possible foundation without overly complicating your role. It does not preclude other influences involved in the developing of mental ill health such as genetic or uncontrollable environmental influences. We are not robots and we cannot predict the future so we need to approach this to the best of our abilities.
The stages I will address are:
1. Pregnancy
2. Birth
3. Babies
4. Toddlers
5. Preschool
6. Primary
7. Teen
And a supplementary section for adult children.
This first instalment this week is an attempt to capture the essence of parenting in a practical guide for the first stage of the parenting journey: pregnancy.
Seven Steps for Pregnancy
1. How do you want to manage your pregnancy?
There are many influences to the approach to pregnancy, some cultural and some social.
Some cultures have specific traditions, ceremonies and rituals.
Women may also have different ways they want to nurture themselves and their unborn child. This can be from regular sport and exercise (in a safe manner) to increased time out for yoga and meditation.
If you are not sure where to access information around this, the Australian Government has this information available https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/cultural-practices-and-preferences-when-having-a-baby
2. Follow food advice
Pregnant bodies can be sensitive to toxins and this is to protect the developing baby. I remember making a poor seafood choice when heavily pregnant and heaving the contents of my meal every 15 minutes for the rest of the night. I console myself that my body rejected the toxin before it could have an impact on my baby.
Nutrition also plays and important role to support healthy growth and to maintain your energy levels during pregnancy.
3. Substance advice and medications
Whether you choose to follow guidelines strictly such as caffeine, it is highly recommended to avoid alcohol and cigarettes because we know there are significant health effects on the baby during development. There are some good resources on medications, caffeine, alcohol and more, here:
If you have had exposure to any substances and have found out your are pregnant, then check with your poisons information line such as in NSW.
4. To work or not to work
You may need to consider how much work you would like to take on or when you will stop work. Perhaps you don’t work. Whatever you choose, consider your financial situation and whether you have access to parental leave. Everyone is entitled to this in Australia, however there are criteria such as having worked 12 months for the employer. https://www.fairwork.gov.au/leave/maternity-and-parental-leave
If your industry does not support this, consider options with a financial advisor. I found a good article from Barefoot on this
5. Pregnancy care
Care in pregnancy also has many options available to you.
Do you want your local GP to share your care because you know and trust them?
Would you like to attend a birthing centre with midwives to manage your care?
Some people consider home births and the risk vs benefit needs to be considered in this case.
There is excellent information on care options here:
6. Education on birthing
Some women are fearful of the birthing process, while others seem to approach it with excitement. Either way, preparing for the process can help to take the guesswork out of the unknown for you and/or your partner.
7. Bonding and self-care
Many people think that bonding with baby begins once they are born, however there are many ways to connect while pregnant. Talking to other parents or parents-to-be to share ideas. Talk to your support person or family members. Here are some other tips to bonding.
The flip side to preparing, is when things don’t go according to plan. This can be traumatising for everyone and if this happens for you, then I encourage you to talk to your supports. I had a miscarriage when trying for our second child and was surprised to hear how common it is (up to 1 in 5 known pregnancies). While this does not stop the pain, it does provide some solace to know you are not alone. Find more information here:
Stay tuned for the next instalment on Birth.
If you have personal tips you would like to add, comment below, on the MotherMind FB page or on the blog site.
