The fifth instalment in the next stage of the parenting journey with a pre-schooler goes beyond the Terrible Twos into the domain of the Threatening Threes because the Twos were just the tip of the iceberg.
1. Be prepare for defiance, tantrum and tears
Just like the Two’s, the aim is to honour individuality but at the same time ensures some order to the chaos.
There are many ways to handle this and it pays to be clear and consistent in your approach. Pre-schoolers can smell fear and half-baked attempts at control.
The knee jerk reaction is to yell, or forbid or punish but there are other options:
A. Time out – using the ‘naught corner’ or ‘time to reflect’
B. Reason – ‘I know you want to do that but here is the grown-up thinking….’
C. Reward – ‘I’ll give you $2 if you do this’
D. Distraction – ‘Look, a bird!’
E. Choice – ‘Do you want this one or that one?’
Each option has it’s good and bad points, but whatever the choice, you need to have the follow through or the next attempt will be ignored.
2. Try to remain calm
Dealing with a young child who has limited sense of delayed gratification or anything other than their own sense of importance can be trying. If you can’t keep your cool, then it can provide them with clues for how to behave and result in a stand-off.
You are the adult and need to control yourself in order to help them learn to control themselves. If not, breathe, leave the room, count to ten or handover to your backup when your temper frays.
3. If you can’t be calm, make them safe and WALK AWAY
If the above techniques don’t work or you are doing it alone, then you need to find the space to find your calm so you can return to the scene.
The other option is to sit with your child during a tantrum to ensure their safety and to feel you are available when they need you. You don’t need to tolerate physical violence but can sit within a safe distance.
4. Change is as good as a holiday
If this is going nowhere, turn on the television to distract them from the intensity of the situation or try to get into a different physical space like the back yard or another room if you have one.
5. Be united
Whatever approach you adopt, all carers will benefit from an agreed approach and stick to it. Consistency means your child will anticipate reliability and the alternative is often be divided and conquered.
6. Find some time for you and partner
Keep up date night and couple time (or some ‘me time’ if going solo) to ensure some relaxation time. Use those supports whenever available so you can fill your tank to care for others.
7. Share the love
Try not to be the super human who can do it all. Everyone may be in awe of you , and secretly jealous, but you will be tired and cranky so generally not pleasant to be around.
Find ways for assistance such as weekends to pitch in when others are not at work. Better yet, set up a timetable or schedule for who does what so there is no ambiguity or resentment about the other person not doing their share.
This is not an exhaustive list but hopefully it covers some FAQ.
Stay tuned for the next instalment on Primary Aged kids.
If you have personal tips you would like to add, comment below, on the MotherMind FB page or on the blog site.
